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Overview
This page explains what family violence is, where to get support, and what services can help you and your family and whānau.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call the Police on 111
If you need the Police but can’t speak for fear of harm, you will be asked to press keys for emergency assistance. If hearing or speaking is difficult, you can sign up to 111 TXT
If you need to leave this website quickly, use the ‘quick exit button’ at the bottom of the screen.
If you need urgent support services, you can get help now
Family violence is never your fault
Family violence is a serious crime. It can affect you and your whānau or family in different ways but there is no right or wrong way to feel, and your reactions are valid.
How to know if you’re experiencing family violence
It can be hard to tell if what’s happening is family violence. If you’re unsure, the ‘Check it out’ tool on the Are You OK website can help you understand if a relationship feels safe and respectful. There are also organisations that can help you understand more about family violence and offer guidance and support.
AreYouOK – Check it out tool(external link)
Find out more about Getting support.
Understanding family violence
Family violence is harm caused by a family member or someone you’re in a close relationship with. They do not have to live with you.
A family relationship can include:
- a partner or ex-partner, whether you are married, in a civil union, living together, or dating
- any family or whānau relationship
- someone you share a household with, such as a flatmate
- someone who helps you care for your children
- anyone you have a close personal relationship with.
Family violence can happen once, or it can be a pattern of behaviour over time. The person using violence may use behaviours that seem small on their own but are harmful when they form part of ongoing control and cause fear.
Family violence and family harm are often used to mean the same thing. People use different terms, including “family violence”, “domestic violence”, and “family harm”.
What family violence can look like
Family violence can include physical, sexual and psychological abuse, or a combination of these:
- it doesn’t always include physical violence
- emotional abuse and controlling behaviour are ways a person using violence may try to control or harm someone.
Show examples for family violence
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Examples of physical abuse
- any harm to your physical safety, including pushing, punching, hitting, kicking and strangling/choking.
You can find more information about physical abuse on this page Physical assault.
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Examples of sexual abuse
- any unwanted sexual experience or behaviour
- threats to cause you sexual harm
- making or sharing recordings without consent.
You can find more information about sexual violence on this page Sexual violence. -
Examples of psychological abuse and controlling behaviour
- manipulating or intimidating you
- minimising, denying, and blaming you for the abusive behaviour of the person using violence and the harm they have caused (gaslighting)
- threats of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse to you or your family and whānau
- controlling who you see, what you wear, or how you spend your time
- controlling your finances (stealing, not letting you access money or preventing you from work or study)
- preventing access to medication or necessary support (for example if the person is responsible for caring for you)
- stalking you in person or online
- online abuse, such as bullying and harassment
- damaging your relationships or reputation
- litigation abuse
- dowry abuse
- spiritual abuse, such as not allowing you to practice your religion or hold your own beliefs
- threatening, or causing harm to animals
- damage to property.
Terms you may hear
You may hear terms like victim, survivor, or victim-survivor in reference to sexual harm.
You can choose to use what feels right to you and your experience.
In the New Zealand criminal justice system, legal documents and court proceedings generally use the terms victim and witness for the Crown to describe a person's role in the case.
Victims Information | For people affected by sexual violence
What you can do next
- If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, you can visit our emergency contacts page Get help now.
- Find support here: Finding support & resources.
- Learn more about Family Violence: Family Violence. (external link)