Honour-based abuse, FGM and Forced Marriage

Culture and religion can often be an important part of who we are. They give people pride, belonging and identity. But cultural beliefs, religion or family expectations are never an excuse for abuse, even when someone says it is about family honour or to protect the family or community.

It is not okay if someone is threatening, controlling, hurting, isolating or forcing you to do something you don’t want to do. Honour-based abuse is a form of family violence and is not acceptable in Aotearoa New Zealand. 

Honour-based abuse, forced marriage and female genital mutilation are forms of violence that disproportionality affect women and girls, although people of any gender can experience some of these. 

If you are worried that someone may hurt you, force you into marriage or take you overseas to arrange female genital mutilation, you can contact police or a specialist support service. 

You do not need to wait until you are harmed before asking for help.

You can find an overview of support services here: Supporting organisations. 

Honour-based abuse is when someone uses ideas about honour, shame, family, culture or religion to control, threaten, hurt or punish another person. It can include physical, sexual, psychological and financial forms of abuse and mainly impacts women and young girls. 
 
If you have experienced honour-based abuse it might be hard to talk about what happened. 
 
You may feel like you are speaking against your family or disrespecting the beliefs of your community. But cultural beliefs, religion or family expectations are never an excuse for abuse. 
 
Honour-based abuse can be a form of family violence. Family violence is harm caused by a family member or someone you’re in a close relationship with.  
 
This page explains what family violence can look like and how to get support: Family violence. 

Sometimes people use words like shame, honour, respect or tradition to excuse violence or control. They may say things like: 

• “You have brought shame on our family.”
• “This is just the way we do things.”
• “Everyone in our culture must do this.” 

These words can make it harder for someone to ask for help. But abuse is not okay in any culture or community. You deserve to be safe and treated with respect. 

Forced marriage 

Forced marriage is when someone is forced to marry or enter a civil union, without their free and informed consent. This can include pressure, threats, psychological abuse, physical violence, or being taken overseas for a marriage. 
 
In Aotearoa New Zealand it is against the law to: 

• force someone to marry or enter a civil union. This includes forcing someone to marry for religious, cultural or family reasons
• get married if you are under 16
• hold a marriage or civil union ceremony online, by video call, or over the phone. The marriage or civil union ceremony must happen in person. If a ceremony happens this way, it will not be legally recognised in Aotearoa New Zealand. 

• controlling your finances (stealing, not letting you access money or preventing you from work or study)
• dowry-related harm. 

Sexual abuse refers to a range of unwanted sexual experiences or behaviours that happen without your freely given, informed, and ongoing consent. Sexual abuse is a serious crime.  
 
If you've experienced sexual abuse, it's never your fault. 
 
If you’re unsure whether you’ve experienced sexual abuse, or would like some support, there are organisations that can help you. You can find an overview of support services here: Finding support & resources.

Female genital mutilation (FGM) 

Female genital mutilation, or FGM, is sometimes known as cutting. It can cause serious physical and emotional harm, and in some instances, life-threatening injuries. 
 
FGM means injuring or removing part or all of the female genitals for a non-medical reason. 
 
There are different forms of FGM. Some involve removing or injuring part of the clitoris or labia. Others involve narrowing the vaginal opening. If you have experienced FGM either recently or in the past, there is support and healthcare available. You can talk to a healthcare professional or support organisation. 
  
You can find an overview of support services here: Supporting organisations. 

FGM is illegal in Aotearoa New Zealand 

It is against the law to arrange, help or encourage FGM overseas. 

This can include: 

• arranging for a child or a young person to leave New Zealand so FGM can be done overseas
• assisting or encouraging someone in New Zealand to perform FGM on a New Zealand citizen or resident overseas
• convincing or encouraging a New Zealand citizen or resident to go overseas to have FGM performed on them. 

FGM can cause serious injuries 

In some cases, these injuries are life-threatening. Contact police on 111 in an emergency. 

If you think a child or young person has experienced FGM 

If you think that a child or young person has recently undergone an FGM procedure, you can report this to police or contact Oranga Tamariki(external link): 

• freephone 0508 326 459 (24/7 support)
• email contact@ot.govt.nz. 

Experiencing harm and abuse, especially when it comes from someone you know well, can be hard to recognise at first. You or the people around you may have minimised what is happening. You may have felt embarrassed, or worried about what might happen if you take action. These are completely normal, reasonable, and understandable reactions.  
 
You do not have to leave your family or community before you can ask for help. You can talk to someone about what is happening and what support may be available. 
 
Police and support services can also arrange an interpreter if English is not your first language. 
 
If you need support, advice or to talk to someone in confidence, there are services in Aotearoa New Zealand dedicated to supporting ethnic communities. 
 
You can find an overview of support services here:

• Supporting organisations